Anne Lamott captured a universal truth with wit and clarity: aging calls for a new kind of gift registry—not one for china or cookware, but one for bifocals, grabbers, compression gloves, and custom orthotics. She quipped that she and her husband might as well have registered at their local Durable Medical Equipment and Pharmacy.
It was meant to be funny, but it also struck a chord with me to the point I copied her colunm to blog about it.
At 81, I’ve embraced a range of adaptive items myself:
- Readers over my contacts
- Cane
- Grabber
- Dressing stick
- Electric recliner
- Magnetic necklace clasps (thank you, arthritis)
- A chair to sit on while drying my hair
- Moving dishes down to lower shelves.
I’m not using a hearing aid yet, but I suspect it’s just around the corner.
Aging in a World Designed for the Young
Aging is a study in adaptation. But even with options for assistive options many of us resist what we need as we grow older. Our environments weren’t designed with aging in mind. They were designed for an imaginary person who never slows down, tires, or stiffens up or an able-bodied population.
Why Universal Design Matters
Imagine if our homes and communities were designed to support all abilities from the start. We wouldn’t need to compensate so much.
Universal design principles include:
- Wider doorways for easy navigation—whether you’re 18 or 81
- Barrier-free bathrooms
- Lever handles instead of knobs
- Adequate lighting throughout the home
- Floors and thresholds that don’t trip people up
These features help everyone, not just those of us facing mobility changes.
Internalized Ableism: The Real Barrier
When I needed to start using after a knee buckled and I fell , I thought “I don’t want to look disabled.” But that resistance wasn’t about the tool; it was about being less able. I too have absorbed the harmful message that independence equals doing everything without help. That visibility of disability implies diminished value.
We don’t apply this thinking elsewhere:
- You don’t feel weak for using reading glasses or getting your oil changed.
- You wouldn’t blame someone for using a stroller or backpack with wheels.
And yet when it comes to aging, society sends the message that “aging gracefully” means doing it invisibly.
Tools as Empowerment
The moment my thinking shifted, those assistive tools became a source of power—not defeat. Watching TikTok creators like @equipmentot1, and AECCorner who showcase helpful tools helped me identify new ways to make life easier. These devices don’t diminish us—they support living fully, on our terms.
The Tension at Charlestown
Charlestown is now 42 year old with historic sections that have been remodeled over the years and new buildings coming on line in 1993. We are aging in place. Dan and I are now on our 13th year. We have more auto doors on side entrances. We see more auto doors on restrooms. Efforts are underway but it takes money.
I chair a committee to work on accessibility and inclusion issues.We ask for more accessibility such as a companion bathroom to accommodate a male and female if one needs assistance. The hand soap and paper towel dispensers need to be low enough so that a seated person can access them. The dining room needs sound dampening so we can hear better. Signage needs to help people with low vision. We continue with small improvements toward accessibility as our community. The committee works on education and information so that residents know where to get to get help in making there apartments more accessible.
A Call for Culture Shift, Not Just a Registry
Anne Lamott’s registry idea is only a starting point. What we really need is a cultural reset to overcome ageism and ableism in our society. We need:
- To view disability as part of the human experience, not a flaw.
- To invest in inclusive design as normal, not exceptional.
- To celebrate adaptation, not hide it.
Almost all of us will eventually need adaptive support. The question isn’t if—it’s when, and whether we’ll have the grace and wisdom to accept it with dignity.
People with disabilities make up the world’s largest minority, so this affects everyone. As one disable person said, “We shouldn’t ‘have’ to struggle—accessibility is a human right, and we deserve ways to make our lives easier.” We are all temporarily able-bodied. The sooner we plan and design for that reality, the better our world becomes—for all of us, at every age.